Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Movie Review: Aztec Rex
Two years before his famous encounter with Montezuma, Cortes is sent on a scouting mission to shores south of Mexico where he and his band of Conquistadores discover a small tribe of Aztecs who sacrifice their own people to satisfy the hunger of the "Thunder Lizard" living in the jungle, which is actually a T-Rex.
You know what the best part of this movie is? If you said the worst special effects in the history of movies... you're wrong. If you said the fact that they don't even attempt the languages or accents of Aztecs or Spanish... you're wrong. The best part is that Cortes is played by Ian Ziering! Yes, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Steve Sanders from Beverly Hills 90210 is leading his pack of Spanish dudes to battle the Aztecs and also a couple of hungry T-Rexes. Don't worry though, we know he's Spanish because he's got a really bad wig and some facial hair. The man can do some serious Spanish emoting.
Is it so bad it's good? You bet your butt it is! I was laughing and cheering all the way through. The dinos look really bad, but they chomp and stomp their way through lots of guts and amputations and somehow even sneak up on people. There is one of the worst sword fights ever caught on film and some of the worst acting this side of Bruce Campbell and Elizabeth Berkley. The dino attacks look really, really lame. Land of the Lost had better attacks.
Did you know a T-Rex can sneak up on a sleeping guy and bite his leg off without waking him? Did you know bullets, cannon balls and arrows bounce off them... but some sticks in a pit with penetrate them with ease? Did you know Ian Zeiring was still acting? Did you know all the Aztec women were hot?
For a regular movie, this would blow big time. As a b-movie, it knows it's a b-movie and acts accordingly. Dino-chompin' good times indeed!